{"id":681,"date":"2024-02-21T12:07:33","date_gmt":"2024-02-21T11:07:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/?p=681"},"modified":"2024-04-27T13:11:29","modified_gmt":"2024-04-27T11:11:29","slug":"a-love-letter-to-pursuers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/blog\/2024\/02\/21\/a-love-letter-to-pursuers\/","title":{"rendered":"A Love Letter to Pursuers\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f"},"content":{"rendered":"
\r\n\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t
\r\n\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t

A Love Letter to Pursuers\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f<\/h1><\/div>\r\n\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\t\t<\/div><\/div><\/div>\r\n\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t
<\/div>
\r\n\t\t
\r\n\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\t\t\r\n\t\t
\r\n\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\r\n\t\t
\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After I wrote my \u201cLove Letter to Withdrawers\u201d someone asked me if I would consider writing one for Pursuers. YES!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh man. This one is harder to write. Why? Because I\u2019m a pursuer. I see you and I get you – a little too much sometimes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

***<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pursuer,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You aren\u2019t wrong. You\u2019re completely alone and your protest is RIGHT. And, it\u2019s true. If you didn\u2019t fight – nothing would happen. After all, you\u2019re the reason you and your partner are in my office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, oh the shame. You\u2019re wondering deep down, \u201cWhy won\u2019t anyone fight for me? For us? Is everyone just placating? Is the goal for me to be calm and happy<\/em>?\u201d You tell yourself, \u201cOk, I\u2019ll try that.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

BUT DAMN IT. You wind up right back where you started – alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see you. You come into session, anxious and ready. You interrupt and make your point. You make it again. And again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You feel your own anger rise and you know you\u2019re justified. You have to say more because if you don\u2019t – no one will know and no one will see. Not only do you need your partner to get you – now you need your therapist to get you. And you\u2019re so aware. You know exactly what\u2019s happening. You\u2019re taking internal notes on every move in the session. You\u2019re keeping track and also ready to burst at any moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I get in there with you and move toward you in your anger – you love it. And you make your point again. No one\u2019s really gotten in there with you. Everyone\u2019s been too afraid and so you\u2019ve been left alone. You can hardly believe I\u2019m there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I won\u2019t leave you. Actually – if you stand up in distress, I\u2019ll stand up with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will not leave. I will move my body closer to yours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not afraid. I know you\u2019re desperate. And I know the louder you get, the more desperate you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You look at me with disbelief. Why are you here? Why are you in the forbidden place? This is where I push people away. Why are you here?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then, when you realize I really am here, and I\u2019m not budging – the tears fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You show me the soft and tender part of you that has always had to fight and strategize. Under the fight is a single tear, streaming down your face. It says \u201cHelp me. I can\u2019t actually do this on my own. I\u2019m out of options. Nothing works.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your partner sees the tender part of you and gets excited. This pisses you off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know, I know. Here it is again, right? \u201cI just need to be calm and happy. Anything other than anger.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen. That\u2019s not the full story. I\u2019m not leaving. I can handle your anger. Of course, your partner can\u2019t – it\u2019s designed to push people away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not going away. One day, you\u2019ll know that you\u2019re strong enough to be soft. You can have what your heart knows is right. You won\u2019t be doing it alone. Your partner will take a risk, and you\u2019ll feel that. You won\u2019t trust it at first, and that\u2019s ok.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll do it together. And, when we\u2019re all done with therapy – you won\u2019t be the needy one. You\u2019ll be together – emotional equity like it\u2019s meant to be. It\u2019s what you\u2019ve been fighting for since you were little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love you,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your Fellow Pursuer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

P.S. Moana is the literal best movie to depict a pursuer. The scene where Moana faces Te Fiti and Te Fiti transforms to who she really is – gorgeous green and lush land. Raise your hand if you bawled at this scene? All the pursuers? I knew it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

February 21st 2024<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

text: Kelly Bourque picture: disney<\/mark><\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kelly Bourque is certified by ICEEFT EFT Therapist and Supervisor, she is offering a subscription to SUPERPOWER ALLIANCE<\/a>, breaking down interventions in bite-sized learning chunks. You\u2019ve probably seen her videos about it. She would love to have you join her!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\r\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\r\n\t\t<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Love Letter to Pursuers\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f\u2763\ufe0f After I wrote my \u201cLove Letter to Withdrawers\u201d someone asked me if I would consider writing one for Pursuers. YES! Oh man. This one is harder to write. Why? Because I\u2019m a pursuer. I see you and I get you – a little too much sometimes. *** Pursuer, You aren\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":682,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-681","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bez-kategorii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=681"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":683,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/681\/revisions\/683"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/682"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=681"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=681"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mentalia.pl\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=681"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}