In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) we are convinced that simply saying “sorry” often isn’t enough to heal deep emotional wounds or attachment injuries within a relationship. True healing and repair require more comprehensive and emotionally engaged efforts.
The Attachment Injuries
An attachment injury is a key concept referring to deep emotional wounds caused by a partner’s actions that undermine the sense of safety and trust in a relationship. An attachment injury results from a partner’s actions or omissions perceived as betrayal, abandonment, lack of support, or failure to respond to emotional needs. Attachment injuries cause a loss of trust in the partner, leading to ongoing anxiety and insecurity in the relationship. Unresolved attachment injuries can lead to cyclical conflicts where the same emotional issues are repeatedly triggered and never fully resolved.
Here are some key reasons why just saying “I’m sorry” might not be enough, and what needs to happen instead:
Depth of Emotional Engagement
Authentic Expression of Emotions:
Here are some tips for apologizing partners:
If you’d like an A4 copy you can download it HERE.
Acknowledgment of Hurt:
Actions Beyond Words
Taking Responsibility:
Making Amends:
Building Trust and Reassurance
Consistency and Follow-Through:
Re-establishing Safety:
Remember what makes a good apology:
If you’d like an A4 copy you can download it HERE.
Professional Guidance
If you feel the injury is too big for you to work with as a couple on your own, consider therapeutic support. Working with an EFT therapist can provide a structured and supportive environment to navigate the complexities of attachment injuries. Therapists can guide couples through the process of genuine emotional engagement and healing using the Attachment Injury Resolution Model (AIRM).
The Attachment Injury Resolution Model (AIRM).
The model of repairing attachment injuries in EFT is based on several key steps designed to restore trust and closeness in the relationship. Here are the main elements of this model:
Benefits of the Model of Resolving Attachment Injuries
The model of repairing attachment injuries in EFT brings many benefits, including:
The Attachment Injury Resolution Model diagram:
If you’d like an A4 copy you can download it HERE.
Creating a New Narrative
Co-creating New Stories:
Conclusion
In EFT, an effective apology is more than just words; it is a combination of deep emotional engagement, responsibility, consistent actions, and the rebuilding of trust. Therapists guide couples through this process to help them heal from attachment injuries and create a stronger, more resilient relationship. EFT, along with the model of repairing attachment injuries, is recognized as one of the most effective methods of couples therapy, helping to overcome difficult moments and rebuild strong, healthy relationships.
All graphics used in this post were created by Clare Rosoman, a certified EFT trainer from Australia. Clare once again allowed Barbara Sławik, a certified EFT supervisor, to translate them into the local language for the Polish community. We hope they are helpful 🤩
July 30th 2024
text: Barbara Sławik picture: nathália arantes
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